By

Francine Paino, AKA F. Della Notte

I would love to ignore housework, but it is a necessary evil. From early childhood, I was raised on the mantra of Cleanliness is next to Godliness, a phrase created from Psalms 45:8 All Your robes are fragrant with myrrh and aloes and cassia….” Propelling this phrase into popularity is credited to preacher John Wesley, circa 1791, in his sermon, “On Dress.”But I digress. If you can hire outside help to get it done, I salute you, but in my life, the chores involved in maintaining a generally clean home belong to me. I do, however, have some unorthodox help, although they lift not one finger.

As I slog through the early morning tasks of chasing dust bunnies, cat hair, and cleaning, two of my favorite fictional TV sleuths keep me company.  They are as different from one another as they are from me.  

JB Fletcher (Jessica) is down-to-earth, self-possessed, independent, and a mystery writer. In the early episodes, she is not a wealthy author with a staff to clean, cook, garden, and do minor repairs. She does it all herself and types her own manuscripts on an old-fashioned typewriter – not even on a word processor. Jessica, a retired high-school English teacher and a childless widow, writes a novel to distract herself from the death of her beloved husband. Her nephew, Grady, reads it, thinks it’s terrific, and sends it to a New York City publisher.  The publisher was immediately taken with the book and decided to publish and sell it. Thus, JB Fletcher, a new mystery author, is born and a new vocation emerges for a woman in the second season of life.  

Throughout the series, Jessica progresses and grows as a writer, as does her reputation for being exceptionally astute. Her observations and deductions are worthy of any professional police officer or Private Eye – and she is often consulted by both, as the storylines create different scenarios involving murders. Through all the changes and growth, this classy lady, and amateur sleuth, never loses the personality qualities that set her apart.

Two of my favorite episodes in this long-running TV series are Incident in Lot 7, set in Hollywood. There is a murder in the Hitchcock Psycho House, and the episode has a deliciously spooky ending.  

The Witches Curse takes place in Jessica’s fictional hometown of Cabot Cove, with the arrival of Mariah Osborne, believed to be a witch. A circuit court judge mysteriously falls from a bell tower, and a suspicious fire ravages an insurance agent’s home. Is it witchcraft? Enter Jessica Fletcher to find the answers and solve the crimes. 

For additional company, entertainment, and murder, I turn to my favorite TV homicide detective, Lieutenant Colombo of the LA Police Department. As soon as I tune in, I smile. 

Deliberately clumsy and unkempt, Colombo wears scuffed shoes and a wrinkled, ill-fitting trench coat over rumpled clothes. His facade as a mid-level cop with run-of-the-mill capabilities is fun to watch. 

While JB Fletcher’s situations are more of a mystery, Lt. Colombo’s fall into the category of suspense/thriller. The audience almost always sees the crime committed at the beginning of the show. The main question is how will the bungling Colombo solve the case, or will he encounter a criminal more ingenious than he is? (I’ve never seen that). Unlike Sherlock Holmes, who leads with his abilities, Colombo hides behind a nasty cigar, always in hand, and his habit of saying goodbye – but then, “just one more thing,” to the annoyance of other characters who wish to be rid of him. Of course, this masquerade of disheveled clothes and a muddled mind makes most criminals underestimate his remarkable crime solving abilities.  

In Ransom for a Dead Man, originally aired in the first season, Colombo encounters wily opponent Leslie Williams, a homicidal attorney who contrives a complex plot to get rid of her husband. Willliams calls Colombo out on his grubby subterfuge and her brilliance challenges his ability to capture this elusive adversary. 

These  are examples of cases that hold my attention while I vacuum, dust and clean.  Plots unfold, triggering ideas as I move from room to room. I stop my chores, grab a pencil or pen, writing paper, or sometimes just a scrap of paper and jot them down before they disappear.  

A Colombo episode ignited a spark for a gripping short story.  I’ve also unearthed an ingenious technique of committing a near-imperceptible murder, which I’ll weave into book four of the Housekeeper Mystery Series.  The protagonists in this series are none other than Father Melvyn Kronkey and Mrs. B. an ordinary woman with character traits not unlike the down-to-earth, homey, JB Fletcher.  As in Colombo, their detecting journeys are filled with high-stakes games of cat-and-mouse with Mrs. B. Father Melvyn on one side and criminals on the other.

Though it may be dull and mundane, vacuuming up cat fur and chasing after dust bunnies gives me time to think about murder. I never actually do it, of course, and the cat is safe from me.